Thinking of you

I hear his breathing one after the other

His heart beating in sync of mine as if it were my own

I cannot even bear to begin to think of existing without him

The slow rhythm of his smiles makes me miss a beat

The steady flow of happiness comes in to me

I feel so scared of losing it

That I cannot bear to smile

And yet with one look he can make me

It pains me to know he is dying

Because that's what happens to one who starts to love me

His eyes are drooping and his breathing slows

My heart hurts so much in the middle I hold the pieces together with my hands

Even when I seem whole I am not

Because it is one thing to let someone into your heart

And completely another to let them back out

And right then as he is about to drift off

He smiles once more he says sorry but he must go

I smile though there are tears in my eyes

I feel happy, because I'd hurt a million times

Than let him once. Because I seem to love him

And just then I see a shooting star

I wish that he wouldn't die and would always be okay and with me

It is a selfish thing to ask

But it doesn't matter because at that moment or in a few more

The aura seemed different and the air seemed colourless

I looked to my side and saw him there

He was not breathing and his syncing heart was gone

And then I realized it had happened

He was dead

Then almost as if on cue I heard a shattering or so I thought

And at that precise moment my heart also chose to stop

The pieces finally fell apart the ones I'd been trying to keep together

They fell to the ground and smashed into a thousand pieces

I tried to fix it but the damage was done we all know that it would never be whole again

And yet we still tried

And so now

On every lonely evening

I see a shooting star

And I know it will never grant my wishes but I still do it

I still wish upon it

And for a moment I hold my breath as if hoping for a miracle but none comes

So I resume to reality and go to bed

But I guess somewhere at the back of my mind I think of him

Every second of every day

And though every moment hurts and each breath feels incomplete

I still do it

I still love him

Just for the sake of it

-Leena Limbu