Comments : Whispers

  • 11 years ago

    by zombiepikachu

    This was very nice!
    I loved the imagery and the rhyming seemed to me to make it feel more like child's play. So I felt as if the speaker was downgrading themself. (If you don't know what I mean, just ask!)
    And by the fifth stanza, the lines get really short, and I felt as if that reached the crescendo. The climax of the poem.
    The only problem I have with this poem is the last line of the first stanza. It seems like you were sacrificing the meaning for rhyme. I didn't think the voices ripping of the ear made much sense. But, again, perhaps it's just me.
    On a side note, I loved the subliminal lullabies you write of. It reminds me of Brave New World and the way they conditioned the kids while they slept! C:
    -z

    • 11 years ago

      by Rusheena

      What do you mean by downgrading? I think I know, but I want to be sure. And yeah, I'm not very fond of that line either, and I was doing exactly that. I feel that's it's my weakest line in the poem. Thanks for the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by zombiepikachu

    Well, in reply to your reply (I don't think it gives me the option I reply to yours)
    When I say downgrading, it seems like the speaker is downgrading her/himself to something such as child play, because no one really takes child's play seriously. She is keeping herself from being understood to her potential. She'll just be brushed off.

    • 11 years ago

      by Rusheena

      Oh. Then you're right. The speaker is addressing her demons, but she's not doing much to overcome them. So she's giving in to self-pity and by calling them monsters, she's not taking her fight as seriously as she should.