Taming Artemis

by slighte   Aug 11, 2011


Savage.
But you're so light. You writhe, the shock
of my arctic fingers on your heart. You
are stained with blood/coffee/shame. We sear,
as elegantly as impala fly. Freefall.

You were a rain child from birth, born
into shadow; luminosity in wild veins. A chasse
through the
wind songs in my bones
ever since. You called yourself
Artemis, running
with lions and elands and impala but
you were my deer. Pure, you were never
going to char/maim/kill
but i was wrong and

by tomorrow the clouds will lope
from your impala heart. The sun
will not save you from your wolves/lions/
monsters and the sun
will not catch you
from your weightless guilty
fall.

--

The challenge:
"Your poem should consist of three verses. The word 'impala' should appear in each of the verses. Verse one should be in the present tense. Verse two in the past tense. And verse three in the future tense."

5


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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Ste

    Concur with all favourable critiques.
    I'm not fond of incoporating alternate words (though I often am guilty of it myself). This is yet another fully mature poem with a somewhat lyrical and otherwordly atmosphere. Very enjoyable

  • 13 years ago

    by Exostosis

    A very unique piece. You totally pulled it off. It does have a quality which one cannot overlook , and yet it makes you ponder.

  • 13 years ago

    by Saerelune

    You know, with the quality you write, it's really hard for me to write in-depth comments. Sometimes I read poems and only think: ooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'll try, though. =p

    The pace and tone of this poem is certainly different from your September poem. It has something wild, which I am sure was your intention. The first impression I had of this piece, was all reflected in your title: taming someone who's godly (perhaps acting "above you") and uncaring. Perhaps this is some sort of critique on someone in your life, or perhaps this was just a way to paint a random mood you had at the time. I don't know, but either way, it's fascinating.

    I was also surprised by your note (you do like to surprise your readers with notes, don't you =p), since I didn't even notice you were changing the tenses. You managed to glue it all without leaving stains. This whole piece reads like a short artistic movie.

    One hing that left me wondering was your use of dashes, instead of plain commas. I've read this poem several times and only now do I see the effect of those dashes. They speed up the pace, making the blood in your veins run faster. It's truly a piece full of action, and I like that.

    Another thing was the fact that you didn't capitalise "I", in the second stanza. I'm not sure whether this was intentional or not, but I felt like this connected to my first interpretation of this piece. That you're speaking of a person that acts as if he's higher than you, and perhaps you're trying to emphasise that by making yourself smaller with a small "I".

    I'm sorry I couldn't offer much help here, but I am truly in awe. I am sure that if you picked out some of your poems, you'd easily be published. But then again, what do I know, I am just an amazed reader. :D

  • 13 years ago

    by Milo

    A very good poem. Ill be honest, its hard to say what you were talking about, but nonetheless a very good piece. You are very talanted. Thank you.

  • 13 years ago

    by slighte

    Ah yes, thanks for that, i have no idea who "Artemins" might be. Thanks for the comment.