The elements of the world

I gave it a 4/5. I did enjoy reading. It spoke of truth. But it did seem to me that something was missing. The rhyming wasn't needed but it was good with it to.

OMG..

I think it's the best poem of you I read so far.

Small, yet very meaningful.

I agree and disagree with Colm.
The first half wasn't forced (the rhyming)
But the end was somehow forced, yes.

But hey, on the bright side, I loved the idea so much.
5/5

I have a few pointers to improve and tidy up this piece. First of all, I found the structure off-putting. Was there a reason the lines were seperated so? If there was, I missed it and it just looked awkward and unnecessary.

The sun is illuming in the country of dubai
^^
Im not sure if 'illuming' is a word, or is it supposed to be 'illuminating?' I think there is a chance to improve this line by changing the word 'country' for something else. 'Country' doesnt add anything. How about something more visual, like 'the sands of Dubai.' - Now the reader would have an image of a desert in their mind, beating sun, possibly sandstorms and camels. It says much more than 'country.'

Also, I dont really like the rhyme, although Ive seen worse rhyming. It still seems a little forced at times. Rhyme isnt necessary in poetry. Most contempoary poems dont rhyme. Id look into abandoning rhyme in the future to try it out.
I hope this helped.

Colm

Mother Nature or the elements will have their day and we will suffer the sins of our fathers and ourselves.

well said my friend :-)
Connie

This is the first nature poem I read from you and I enjoyed it. This poem may be short yet it is really meaningful and the wording is strong. I like the depth you reached within these few verses and its flow. You did a good job once again.