I dont know who will read this and i honesty dont care. I dont know any of you and none of you know me. Maybe thats why i am writting this, becauae none of you will ever know me. My life is... i dont even know what to call it. When i was around 8, my big sister died of cancer at 14. I guess you could say that started the downward spiral that is my life. Things could have been bad before but i was too little to understand. My family is choas. I have a mom and a dad and a little brother but we arent really a family. We fight and fight all the time. It graduallly got to this point but it took a few years. I started getting depressed in grade five and i was put on prozac and shit. I guess you could say that the drugs made me better and well they made me this messed girl who was okay. They took me off the meds and i was okay for all of grade six but it started coming back in grade seven. Thats when i started cutting. It was just a here and there thing until sometime in grade eight. It became my addiction. No one knew about it but me and it was easy to hide... well most of the time. I remember a couple of times when my mom almost saw them but she never did. I was never looking for attention but it think that i wanted someone to care. I didnt want to stop and i still dont want to. I still havent. I went to summer school this summer and i met this guy. I admit that i thought he was cute but more than that, i wanted to be his friend. We hung out a couple of times and then one day we had a long phone conversation. That passing day, I went to a theme park with my family and they saw a scratch i had made with my finger though i told them that i scraped it on a concrete wall at my friends house. They believed me thank god. On the phone that night, I told him that my parents saw something they shouldnt have and he asked what and when i didnt tell him, he told me that he guessed that i cut myself. i am not going to get into the conversation in detail but i did tell him about my addiction. He didnt like that i was doing it and he said he was going to help me stop. I didnt want to stop but i told him i wanted to because i thought it was best that i stop. I havent mentioned this yet, but he had a girlfriend whom he loved and cared for deeply. He helped me out for a while though my cutting didnt really slow, i was just happy someone cared. At least, thats what i thought. He seemed to become... distant. I dont know but i regret telling him because i am so afraid that he is going to stop being my friend but still have the possesion of a secret no one but he knows. I can feel that its going to happen and soon. All my life i have lived a lie. I wear a mask and no one really knows who i am. I am numb. I think about killing myself a lot and i just might do it soon. My parents hate me and so does my brother. I am a horrible person and i just want to end it all. I know no one will miss me. No one cared. I have learned a few things threw my life: you cant trust anyone, no one cares. I have left out alot about my life. There is still so much i could say. But i am going to stop here. Ask questions if you so please, i dont care.
