This is defiantly an interesting piece. I like it, but the repetition just doesn't seem to fit. I think that this piece lacks emotion as well as something to feel. To me it seems as though this piece is nothing more than a bunch of random words jumbled together and made to look like a poem. I'm sorry to say this, but in all sincerity it is simply an opinion and I have read much of your work. I know that this is not your absolute best.