I feel...

(PS, this is a free verse, I just wrote everything that passed through my head at that time)

I feel...

Betrayed,

By the only one I wanted to care,

The only one I trusted,

The only one I could really talk to,

The only one who would give me good advice,

The only who understood me,

But then we had a fight,

He totally lied to me,

He totally manipulated me,

But oh well,

I was waiting for it.

Ashamed,

Because I can't move on,

From this stupid fight,

I wrote a whole poem,

Of 183 lines,

But really all I want to do,

Is come to you,

And tell you the truth.

Alone,

Because the only one I trusted,

Betrayed me,

My best friend,

Has enough problems already,

My other friend,

Would start to hate me,

If I told her the truth,

My other guy friend,

Wants to know everything about me,

But I just can't see,

How could I trust him with the truth!?

And everyone else just knows part of stories,

Which are almost always total lies.

Stupid,

Because I have no self esteem,

And no one seems to understand that,

I am a very fragile human being,

With real emotions and feelings,

Because I trusted manipulators,

I have been used so much,

So I don't care anymore if I get hurt.

Crazy,

Because I am just a stupid little sneaky manipulator,

But no one knows,

Everyone thinks I am the innocent one,

I am just a stupid liar,

Everyone trusts me with all their hearts,

But I am just crushing them,

In they're back,

And they simply don't see it.

With no heart,

Because of all the bad,

I do around me,

Even if people don't see,

And in the end,

What goes around comes around,

It just came back to me.

Confused,

My controlled world just fell apart,

Everyone is just playing my heart,

They think I am strong,

And they think they don't affect me,

But it's just a lie,

Another one of my stupid lie.

Insecure,

I just stopped trusting,

Because everyone was so deceiving,

And in the end,

I am just a girl seeking acceptance,

Seeking words of encouragement,

But I am not getting any of that.

Angry,

Because of all my mixed feelings,

Everything is falling apart,

I don't know who to trust,

I don't even think I will trust again,

That's why I am writing poems,

It's the only way for me to feel accepted,

And feel like someone is listening,

And feel like someone somewhere actually cares,

Because I really don't think that right now.