Truth is..deep down i think my poetry sucks it's always about a girl, and some lame crisis she's having something momentary a huge question she already knows the answer to and truth is, i only use the word girl because i still can't bring myself to realize that i'm so stupid so bland so....ordinaryas to put myself in these situations to allow myself to feel to love but this is another one of those poems and truth is, i secretly hope you read this because only through writing can i form the words i'm trying to say as harsh and sad as they might be both straight forward and complicated because, truth is.... you don't deserve meand in the nights when you really piss me off i sit there..drowning in my own tears wondering if i really love you or that I've finally formed the ultimate lie one so good that i myself believe itthat i love you that i need you that i don't want anyone else but you Bull-Shit...Bull-shit i wish i could tell you what i need and that your not it but i don't know what i want truth is, i'm a lier i just keep my shit air tight I'm completely convinced at this time that i have no feelings what so ever just the knowledge that i should of what should make me happy or sad and the only reason i don't embrace my sociopathic ways is the fear that I'll end up alone that in the end i'll be miserable in need of human affection the scrooge that sacrifices her heart for wealth but it's only the thought that i'll be content with myself that scares me more that i won't want anyone and become old and bitter happily successful and isolated from the world..truth is..i don't know if i want you long term i can do better then you in every way but for some reason i won't leavedo i love you? or am i delusional? is this a lie or is this real? the sad fact i already know the answer I'm lying and again I've be gotten sucked inplaying my own game for shits and giggles but now i'm crying drowning in my own tearsbecause you don't deserve me you don't even deserve the lie i will never be what you want and your too tainted by time to ever fully give me what i want and now i wonder if you can ever change if i can ever change if you will ever realize how deep you cut me or if i will ever give up my lie because truth is, we'll both get over it you'll find someone cuter and i'll find someone more...controllable you won't think of meand i'll remind myself it was a lie that i'm just a good lier too good of a lier one who got caught up in her own game.
