The wondrous feeling of having your lungs open and expand; pulling in sweet life giving air that drives our very being.
It is this feeling that I long for, this unconscious mundane act that we do without thinking since the moment we are born into the world. The relief and satisfaction of knowing that you will live another moment.
This is the feeling I am robbed of. An oppressive force has grabbed hold of my chest, squeezing my ribs and pushing the oxygen from my body, uncaring to my gasps. Every instinct inside of me begs me to gulp in the plentiful nothingness that exists all around, but the restriction does not give way.
I struggle to find relief, but no leeway is given and I find myself suffocating slowly. I beg for release, to pull in what my body desires most, but I feel my heartbeat fading. The beats becoming softer and fainter and the pounding of blood in my veins stills to almost nothing.
It is in that moment, just before the darkness grants me reprieve; the tightness is gone. Blessed air rushes to fill the cavity inside my chest.
Life flows through me again. The heaviness that has overcome me has lifted. But in the openness of breathing, I remember as to why this moment of inhibition.
You cut me out of your life. You act as though I meant nothing to you, although your words before told me otherwise. Our relationship, now just a friendship which was forced by you, you have disregarded all together. I try to change my thoughts.
But I cannot distract myself from your abandonment. I feel the restriction returning to my chest, but I cannot turn my mind away from you.
How much I miss you.
Even just our friendship. I would rather be just your friend then mean absolutely nothing to you. The nothing that you now treat me as.
I cannot bare how you ignore me! It burns deep into my heart and scorches deep in my midsection. It comes. I cannot fight it... You literally steal my breath away. I suffer every moment that my mind dwells upon you and I will my thoughts to redirect my attention to something that will not harm my very being in such a way.
My soul aches from the torment. I desire for the freedom to breathe.
