Coalescence

by Melissa   Aug 29, 2011


There is this whir fluttering the air
with its strange tongue,
and I know that there's no danger
only harmony

You sing a song of togetherness
as I hum alone,
my heart, a single beat
pining for one more

I'd make myself hollow
if you'd blow in

1


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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Content* lol

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Yes touching and beautiful, I do love your ending, but to be honest the 1st parts weren't as amazing as I see them usually in your openings, as if you borrowed from your own work, especially the tongue part, I've reach the idea several times in your work but in different usages and I am used to see this Wow element in your work..which is the only reason why I am being honest about it. If you were someone else, I'd say amazing work..but it's Melissa and though it was an excellent poem but just not as good as the others by you..

    There is this whir fluttering the air
    ^
    like this whir...just wasn't so interesting, heard bout many things in the air, even I used it and perhaps you...like not a very catchy opening

    and I know that there's no danger
    only harmony
    ^
    and I was not fan of how you said..no danger only harmony, perhaps my taste won't matter but I must share, just like when I'm amazed, so if you can make a certain twist here or somethin, it would be better :)

    You sing a song of togetherness
    as I hum alone,
    ^
    this is just amazing..god sometimes you just make me wanna :O...very creative and as if you both are in two different state of minds..
    not sure, but like it anyway.

    I'd make myself hollow
    if you'd blow in
    ^
    this was just nailed for your closing stanza, makes the reader indeed contect!

    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    //I'd make myself hollow
    if you'd blow in
    // I loved these lines... touching and beautiful!!! I don't know why but I felt a tinge of scarifice and sadness in these verses.
    loved reading.

  • 13 years ago

    by Kiko

    I really like what you have done here. The simple, romantic language coalescing with the flutey metaphors to create one beautiful poem. :)