Comments : The Mountains

  • 13 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    Very good I loved it :) :)

  • 13 years ago

    by nouriguess

    HMMMMMM a poem about nature...these kinds of pieces are tricky sometimes, I only tried to write about nature once:P:P and it was UGHHHHHH duhhhhhhh weeeeeeeeee ewwwww lol :)

    You have some touchy lines....no you have some MAGICAL lines! really but I too have suggestions that I hope you may take by them so that your piece will be something unique! ;)

    Crystalline waters below
    ^^^
    loved this! ;)

    Clear blue skies,
    ^^^
    cliche, why thesse two adjectives..."blue clear" everybody writes this when it comes to describing the sky, why? be creative...
    you are in a good mood, right? then why not saying "chuckles of the skies"???:)

    That hug the mountains
    ^^^
    yay...skies hugging the mountains! lovely ...original. :)

    In their great grandeur.
    ^^
    OPPS
    I know that "grandeur" means greatness, right?
    and great grandeur is really overdone don't you agree? :/ I don't know this just seemed a bit confusing and ...'weird'...

    As they tower over me
    Making me feel so small, insignificant.
    ^^^
    LOVEEEEDDD THIS

    Breathing in the air
    It is clean and pure.
    ^^^
    cliche again. sorry. :/

    Waterfalls are found here
    Over flowing their boundaries, falling
    Filling the air with thunder and mist
    Creating little rainbows.
    ^^^
    loved the usage of falling flowing filling..;) good word choice!
    AND what!!!?
    little rainbows!!!??? that is A.W.E.S.O.M.E!!!

    The birds are singing all around
    and deer are playing in the lush meadows
    Wildlife is all around, blending in.
    These great mountains are their home.
    ^^
    deer?? or deers?? ;P
    around has been used too much in this piece

    Seemingly untouched by man
    You have to look hard to see our mark
    For they are greater than us
    And more then we will ever be.
    ^^^
    than or then???
    :)

    In all this was pretty good you just have to be a bit careful about those little errors..:)
    Good luck.

  • 13 years ago

    by Something Diabolical

    Again amazing imagery!
    i felt like i was actually there whilst i was reading it

    ^^ same as above, carefull about the errors, though i make them all the time myself aswel =P

    a very beautifull write
    5/5