Comments : Memories [Collab]

  • 13 years ago

    by Blissful

    Ahh I loved this!

    "Too often I falter,

    the sizzle of a
    candle flame licks
    my earlobes and
    with the image of a
    firefly I am...

    reminded of you."
    ^This opening was beyond perfect! I liked the pace of speeding up then coming to a steady transition...I don't know if that made sense but I loved reading this out loud because of the way it sounded. Beautifully written.

    "you devouring a
    stuffed pepper or two"
    ^I love stuffed peppers! :o

    "while I,
    gazed into your eyes
    only to find an unborn desire
    that dreamed not of
    sunrises,
    but sunsets"
    ^Ahh I want to say this is my favorite part of the piece but then again I loved it all. I adored the imagery that was presented here as was all the unique reference to sunrises and sunsets. Nicely done.

    This was wonderfully written Mel and Yaki! Both of your styles flowed flawlessly and nothing seemed forced or out of place. I am nominating this!

    Five from me!

  • 13 years ago

    by nouriguess

    I know what it is like to write with Yaki!
    And I know that your style Mel and your metaphors are wonderful, you both did a great job :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Om facebook, before reading, my answer to you question was, no I ain't, now here, after reading, my answer is, HELL YA!

    This is a perfect piece of art and iin no way, does this sound like a collab, it's just perfect, with its amazing images, amazing lines..amazing sadness..amazing everything..aamazing YOU!
    The two!

    Well done..I am impressed

    Five! and a winner