So i get told i have depression .. genetic depression ..
My mum and Dr agree to get me counseling before it gets worse ..
it not like i cut myself ..
or skits out at everyone and so on ..
yes i do cry myself to sleep at night .. but i don't let my mum know, how does she know ?? ..
yes i do wish i wasn't here .. wasn't born , i want to be dead :/
but sh** happens i say , ill live
its not like I'm going to make the same mistake as my father and so on ..
i live because i think of my friends and that makes me happy as ever :D
i get told that i will have to take tablets for my depression ..
but i refuse it ! it'll change me and and mm thats what started my dad on .. drugs...
my daddy was only on drugs for 1 yr and committed suicide he was so young .. i was only a baby and he did it by.. mm using a ah gun
but depression tablets is what stared my daddy on drugs .. there the reason he gone :/ there the reason why i never got to know my dad!
so to prove i don't need tablets to help me ..
i fake my happiness , i pretend as if nothings hurting me when really I'm dieing inside ...
i just don't want people to know , i don't want others worrying about me
i feel as if i am meant to be looking after everyone else. not have people care for me .. and when people try to look after me i get scared .. its weird to me ,
i feel weak ... when i am meant to be strong
i cant cry, its not strong its not brave .. its scared and weak .. mm
fake smiling and acting like the most happiest person ever ! i thought would help me in away but .. it really hasn't .. i have noticed that its only making things worse for me ..
i am avoiding my own issues because I'm scared to know what they are .. I'm scared and I'm hiding from myself , i know but i need a miracle
I WILL STAY STRONG AND I WILL KEEP POSITIVE !
i have too x
