Oh my gosh, this piece is amazing. You have a wonderful flow, imagery, strong emotion, a purpose that is clear, an immaculate word choice, you have a level of depth and perseption that will only speak to some (but those will be the lucky few whom enjoy this piece as it is) I see no need for change. You have done a magnificent job.

I liked this, took me to a new world of contemplations! if only you'd care about punctuation. :)