False smile

I'm sitting in my corner,
where I belong,
trying so hard
to stay strong.
It's not so easy
to put on a brave face,
when all I feel right now
is disgrace.
Ashamed of who I am,
and who I'm trying to be,
I'm doing it all
because they don't accept me.
They all say I'm a girl,
who think I'm something,
but they have no idea,
how I feel like nothing.
I don't really think
I should life this life,
their hurtful comments
are worse than a stabbing knife.
They don't think they hurt me,
because I make it look like I don't care,
but inside me there is so much
hurt and despair.
Why can't they stop saying
those cruel words?
Do they have any idea
how much it hurts?
It hurts inside,
it hurts my soul,
inside my heart,
I am not whole.
All these feelings hurt,
and I am the one to blame,
but do I really deserve
to carry all this shame?
What have I done,
that is so terribly wrong,
why does it feel
like I don't belong?
I don't belong anywhere,
not here, not there,
I am slowly being killed
by all this despair.
I wish they all felt my pain,
and what it's like to be me,
because the secrets I hide
they cannot see.
Trying so hard to fit in,
to be more like them,
but it just doesn't seem to work,
this is simply the way I am.
Every morning I look in the mirror,
and unfortunately I see me,
I am really something ugly,
human eyes shouldn't be forced to see.
I wish I had someone who cared,
someone to call a friend,
someone to cure my misery,
and make this living hell end.
But that will never happen
not to a person like me,
alone, depressed and unhappy
is how I'm meant to be.
I want to laugh and have fun,
you have no idea how hard I try,
all I have is a question I want answered,
and the question is "why?"
Why am I so depressed?
Why do I look forward to the day I die?
Why am I always the one
who has to lay in my bed and cry?
For just one happy moment,
I would walk a mile,
then maybe I wouldn't always have to
put on a false smile.

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