Ugly Soul

I watch as you are
crushed by the weight
that you carry,

I wish that I could
take that black blanket
that is slowly suffocating
you and throw it away
and show you the light
that can be seen beyond.

I truly and wholheartedly
wish for your happiness,
but I cant bring myself
to help you,

my envy and mistrust
and resentment
turn my soul into the
ugly and unworthy
black pit you have
molded it to be.

Make no mistake that
it was just "made that way",
or that it was corupted
by someone else.

I may not have seen
as the blanket fell
when he left you with
us two children,

but I started watching
and waiting for the
time when you would
cast off you coverings
and look at me.

I waited for a long time,
but now I see that
you will never look at
me, will you?

So as "twisted" as it may
be, I will not help you.

I will watch and
witness the pain and
suffering you try so hard
to hide.

And I wish that one day
you may see the sun
and forget your pain,
for I love you,

My dearest Mother.