I think that the idea is quite original but I have to admit that it really doesn't flow well because the amount of syllables change so often. I liked how you kept the poem according to the phone number about a phone call.

I know, it was an assignment for school and it had to be set up that way. but if you break it up where i have the commas instead of the lines for each number then it flows much better :) i just posted it in the original form.

This is a really cool idea. I hope you see that even without a flow it is very nice. It is deffinatly creative. Awesome

Definatly orginal
really enjoyed it

to be honest i read it as your "better flowing version" first time round..
they are both good

5/5 from me

OMG!

This is so original..
!!

I might try this ;)

Wow, this is so original. Great job and keep it up :)