Personalmente mi ta kere bo por hopi mas cu esaki..pero e tabata bunita..

un advice y lo prome cu hende kiriba tabay bisabo ta semper capitalize tur bo 'I' nan...

purba di uza menos "you's" y menos Filler words..manera "and" and 'but"....hopi great cu ba join..ami tambe a cuminsa asina ki..

E site ki tabay ponebo crese hopi manera poet! keep it up!

Okay :D

One thing that I see that needs to be fixed is in your line that says "My heart had a lock and you "we're" the key." It should be were the key. We're means we are, not were as in you and I were together.

You have a good start to becoming a poet; we all have to start someway. No one really liked much of my poems in the beginning. But I had some constructive criticism which helped quite a bit in the end.

Another thing that may help you with writing is when you start a number of lines in each of your poem stanzas, you should continue it. So if you write four or five lines in one stanza and then three in the next. Continue this pattern downwards. It really helps with the flow of things. ^^

Nice! I liked it!!