Comments : Just A Dream

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenni

    Too many thoughts run through my mind,
    Not enough time to break these chains that bind.
    Living everyday with this unseen pain,
    Enough to make a normal person go insane.

    ^ I think that this is a well written introductory stanza because it gives the reader an idea of the speakers current emotional situation. He's obviously bothered by something, but you keep it a secret still, which made me really curious and captivated me to continue reading.

    Unable to sleep as I hear the echo of a bell,
    My room's on fire as I lay in my own hell.
    Feeling icy hands wrapped around my soul,
    No longer feeling complete, unable to be whole.

    ^ I thought this was a really interesting image of being in a room that burns, but that doesn't effect the way the speaker feels. This shows that regardless what others may do to melt the ice that has overcome the soul and/or heart it's not going to work. The only person who is able to do something about this is the one who left, which you're kind of saying by the last line, that someone left the speaker.

    Feather by feather my wings start to fade,
    Taken away without a word, for this time not paid.
    Time was short, I thought that you and I were a team,
    Reality kicked in and in your eyes, I was just a dream.

    ^ I thought this stanza tells so much about how the speaker felt/feels for the person this is dedicated too. It shows that he believed in their love, but that he was the only one who did so and realising that was tough and absolutely heartbreaking.

    Forever a dream, a ghost of a memory, not real,
    Keep dreaming because, nothing changes what I feel.
    Although the coffee taste bitter even after the cream,
    When you finally wake up, you'll realize that it was Just A Dream.

    ^ This ending sums it all up perfectly and I do not have any words for that. I loved your choice of words because they portray a really vivid image.
    I thought the flow was great, so were the rhymes and the feeling was really powerful.

  • 13 years ago

    by Blackstar

    Really loved this poem
    all the emotion in it
    really liked to read it,
    5/5

    -blackstar

  • 13 years ago

    by Faith Harbaugh

    Really loved it! =D

  • 13 years ago

    by Dark Shadows

    A shattered dream hurts the most.

    I liked the flow,imagery and choice of words.

  • 13 years ago

    by retha

    Yet the nighmare lingers even in daylight the horror of reality screams! Turn down the shades , switch of the light and listen ,listen to the ever creeping night.

  • 12 years ago

    by Im not broken anymore

    Wow.. I dont know what to say.. EXCELLENT!!!

  • 12 years ago

    by Vanesa

    Time was short, I thought that you and I were a team, Reality kicked in and in your eyes, I was just a dream.
    ^
    Great line. I like this poem. Thanks for sharing.