Good job with the forms challenge, lol. You said you had lost your poetic touch and did not or could not rhyme, all lies!!! This little 6 line poem is filled with emotion, ones that I believe the reader can feel or has felt in the past. Good job.

Awesome, I just tried to write one and messed it all up ugh, rules and organisation get me every time

Bravo TJ! :D ... You sure nailed it with this one, as you always do!

An Excellent job :))

Wow I absolutely loved it and absolutely love the wording...terrific short poem...ur always so talented like the rest of ur poems :) :) 10 stars 5/5

These words are well chosen, TJ. Nice format too, never heard of it until now!

The way you describe this, lungs filled by lies, is so true. It feels like chocking, when you find out those whom you care for lied to you, or if you lied to them and regret what you did. Lies kill all..and the truth always comes out in the end.

I read this poem several times and I see a young man struggling to give his life the right direction, and the weak point is the way you care, TJ. I know you have a really good and caring heart, but I pray you grow a little shield around it, because this world is rotten and destroys people as sweet as you.

Well done:)

5/5 Ingrid

Wow the impact of this poem was staggering. I loved the vocabulary used in this poem. I have to say I didn't know what a garotte was before this poem so thank you for pushing that envelope. I feel knowing that single word (at least for me was pinnacle in understanding both the physical and emotional aspects of this poem) I adore when writers cause readers to stop for a moment and think, perhaps even research.

It truly takes on a few meanings for me. The first time I read ignorant to what a garrotte was then the second time understanding and no longer having ignorance be my guide.

It's good to see someone demand some discipline from themselves, and make a nice little poem in the process. Nice use of Mr. Minhas' scheme.

Actually I haven't seen this format before, but I think it's quite interesting, thanks for explaining it.

I have to agree with the previous comments: I really like your choice of words. They definately fit to what you're describing, underline the meaning and portray a specific scenery. It was a very pleasant read because the feelings are relateable and I don't think there is anyone who likes lies.

"Residue of lies fill my lungs"
^ This line caught my eye right away, because the word "residue" and "lungs" made me think of smoking. And smoking in turn tells me that it's not something negative you're talking about. I'm not sure whether this was your intention but this subtle hint truly intrigued me.

When I first read this poem, I wasn't so sure about the diction. The poem is a short one so I would've rather enjoyed one strong image that's elaborated upon. But when one takes her time to read each line carefully, she'll notice that each lines has its own strength with a balance of abstract terms vs simple objects. Like "execution" vs "tongue" or "embolism" vs "fear". They all make a good balance.

Not to mention that you did a wonderful job with the form - it's not forced at all. Nice job.

^ "And smoking in turn tells me that it's not something negative you're talking about"

^ I meant to say that "smoking in turn tells me that IT IS something negative you're going to talk about"

...avd you said you didn't know how to write
a poem with rhymes!? :) Good with the challenge TJ and for me this write was deep
and made me think about things..

Interesting style of a poem that definitely could be a challenge for other people, but of course not for you, TJ. :P

5/5

-Heather

My gosh this piece is stunning. Fantastic word choice, excellent piece