Comments : Re-leaf

  • 13 years ago

    by Decayed

    The sky darkened just now,
    thunder tumbles over the roof tops
    and suddenly the drought is lifted;
    rain pours from fulsome clouds
    which make good on visual promise
    that hours of drenching soaking
    shower lay ahead for this day.

    ^ Interesting massive change of the atmosphere. I'm always amazed by reading a turning point, in the opening. It entices you like a magnet.

    Birds swoop through gusts
    impatient to simply wait
    for the drops to hit them,
    they streak into the brunt of
    the storm accelerating their bath.

    ^ It's kind of wet in here, I mean positively. I liked this image.

    Men who just this morning
    were suffering unquenchable
    thirst now look hungrily
    at their women, as though
    eye shadow and rouge
    washed away reveal jeune filles
    that enticed them in their youth.

    ^ OM DEAREST GOD!
    Men aren't hungry because of makeup? and when rain washed away this concealer, they turned into 'jeune filles'?? WO! amazing stanza. For now, it's my best. And 'jeune filles' kind of thickens the volume of your image.'

    Live oaks, dying and brown, drip
    water where their roots gave up
    sending a dissolved message to
    acorns buried below: "we are
    gone, take root, grow strong."

    ^ the personification here is also alluring.

    Ponds long since dried up
    fill with urgency of desert
    oases preparing empty basins
    for life that may now
    have hope of replenishing
    where yesterday clams baked
    on cracking flats of mud.

    ^ Too much details. I don't know if it's for the better... But I'm kind of NOT annoyed by it. It defines the shape.

    And through it all my neighbor
    looks at his gauge slowly filling,
    grimly shakes his bony neck,
    looks at the sky and calls to me,
    "We're still 24 inches behind."

    ^ I knew it! I had a premonition that your end would have some amazing turning point.
    But honestly, I didn't understand the very last line. lol, I know, I can be dumb. But can you pm me with what you mean>???

    I'm afraid of skipping the real meaning of your poem by not fathoming the last line.!!!!

    But, overall, I liked much.

  • 13 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    A poem filled with metaphorical thought is what I most liked about it. The scenary is very nicely set from a start of dark clouds, thunder and rain to hope of rejuvenation of dying or dried nature (i.e. life/soul) in a ray of hope for replenishment. But the reader is suddenly awakened from the reveries reveries by the anticlimax of the last stanza. Perhaps the transition could have been a little less abrupt if the idea was to bring dreams to reality. But again this is a reader intrpretation, which may not be what the poet had in mind.

    All in all I like your poem very much. 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    Glad I ran into this one. The wording was easy to follow, the flow very nice. This could have many meanings as the reader will find her/or his own. An wonderful poem done from a creative imagination

    Connie

  • 13 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    Wow wow wow amazing greatly worded and magnificently written great fantastic every great word in the books for this splendid excellen peice of work I love love loved it :) 5/5