Comments : Bubble Bath - Tanka

  • 13 years ago

    by Saerelune

    Buahahahahahahahahahaha

  • 13 years ago

    by The Queen

    You won, missy, hahaha.

  • 13 years ago

    by Saerelune

    *coughs*

    ahum, okay I am better now :P

    That's a nice tanka you have here. Too bad the trend of this site is too stick firmly to the syllable count, for I think this could be tightened a bit. Well actually I only dislike this "behold," because it seems unnecessary and truly a filler (not talking about articles here!).

    I would also move the first dash to the second line:
    "Drunken goblins bathe
    in a jacuzzi of mud -"
    ^ This way the poem will be clearly divided in two parts: bathing goblins at one side, eating/drinking goblins at the other side.
    I would also change "Drunken" to "drunken" just because it is usually preferred in haiku/tanka/senryu.

    This is something new from you, simple vocabulary and mythological, melikes. :)

    And yup, I won!

  • 13 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    I found this absolutely wonderful :-) I had to smile as I read it.
    Idk it was just the best little tanka I have ever read. Full of magic and though a bit gross side thinking of the poor fairies I love it
    lol

    Connie

  • 13 years ago

    by nouriguess

    LOL jeeze!
    Myryn, you never fail to make me ponder about your poems! That was sooo magical. I loved this Tanka, for sure, nominated the next week, I'd love to see it pierced on the front page! :)

    The title is reallly catchy. Well-done. Love you.

  • 13 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    This is the kind of poem that puts a smile on the reader face. It's a feel good , cute write. Wtg my queen

  • 13 years ago

    by Decayed

    Myryn..

    You're one of the rare poetesses here that own my respect and affection for their poems... so rare, they are.. maybe 2 or 3.. and now, you're on my list..

    Your work always hits perfection limits.