I just wonder

I just wonder,
If I will ever grow tired
of being a slave to my own
emotions.

if one day,
I will no longer
include 'I love you'
in every single text I send you...

for too often,
I tell myself that I've
had enough..
and that my heart
feels like a broken drum
who no longer
gives birth to rock songs..

I just wonder..

will I ever free myself
from being a masochist?

or will I just keep on
placing you
between my breast
and press my lips
on your forehead
whenever you say,
that you're sorry..

will my feelings ever change?...

or am I meant to live
a life half liven..
where I am constantly
the one who
struggles immensely
to full fill someone
else's need...

I wonder,
how many more
times do you have
to cook me
a broken promise

and give me
cold replies
to drink..

for me to realize,
that you'll keep on lying to me..
as if time were infinite
and you will just
melt me with a smile,
whenever I attempt
to hate you.