I love this one too the words are so great and put on the right place well done:)

I think that the title is a bit too simple for this poem, because the message you convey is so much more than that and you need something eye-catching, that will pull people in because this poem definately deserves to be read.
I like the flow of this poem and your thoughts because they feel really unique and captivating. This poem has potential, but it needs a little bit of editing, that it'll get the last kick.
Overall an enjoyable read, well done!

I agree with Jenni, that the title was too simple, May I suggest "Wrong-doings I Regret" or "Regrettful repercussions"

I also like the flow, it cascading line in line,
a lovely piece

Keep writing
Love
Tara
xxx

Thanx you guys.. I like "Regrettful Repercussions"..thats what i will name it

We all have regrets I think. We cannot let them govern our life, we must move past them. This is a very good write. There are a couple of things that need a little correction.

^^^
still its perfection its should be it's for it is.

^^^^
my shoulder carries a heavy York

In this line should York be yoke?

Thank you for the observations slyvia, i have collected them

Let this cup of suffering pass me by
Still it is no excuse for the crimes I committed,
all the wrongs I permitted

I think you have a great way with words, you create vivid and interesting themes/ The above is my favorite stanza creative and original
Well done

I loved this peice,,,very imaginary and great i loved reading it and i just loved it all,,,amazing how u've captivated me in this peice u've writtin that i could not take my eyes away,,,great :) 10/10
by the way it's nominted :)

I reallyy enjoyed reading this!
The imaginary was GREAT!!!
You have a Way With Words!
Awesomeeee. :)
5/5 Jessi

I like this. It brings up a problem that a lot of people deal with: regret. I also enjoyed how you asked questions to keep the reader thinking.
The part that said: "Would I relive the same life? Hell no!" made me laugh. I guess because I really wasn't expecting the "Hell no!"

Paul.A very powerful write you have here! The message beyond these strong words of you is more than just good! Perfect atmosphere and.....the wording was so intriguing.

I just have one thing....a very minor thing

the title should be "Regretful Repercussions" without the second t in regretful. ;D

Soooo powerful, good poetry.

A well picked title. It goes well with the end of the poem and as a whole.
I agree with Jenni and Tara it does need some corrections and a bit of editing.
the flow is nice.

Suggestions

My blood flows in an awkward direction
Forming clots,
splatters,
still it's perfection

---I would add the but at the beginning of Still.
note : "It is" is use because you are referring that the blood has/ or is perfection.

My bloods flows in an awkward direction
forming clots,
splatters,
but still, it is perfection.

^
Trapped in a bondage,
my own doings
I now pay a heavy price

--- I would add "Of" in front of my own doings

Trapped in a bondage
of my own doings;
I now pay a heavy price.

^
My heart was a guiding light,
influential in all my bad decisions
Choices I cannot recall,
shuttling every inch of my body
Piercing my heart,
penetrating deep down to my soul

--- here you are blaming your heart for the bad decisions taken. And you explain the effects those decisions had in your heart. very good.

^
Would I relive the same life?Hell No!
Give me a chance to talk,
let people listen
This is a burden,
my shoulder carries a heavy Yoke
Am like an old man down with stroke

--- I think it would sound better if you change listen to "know" in : let people listen"
and add "that" in front of "this is a burden "
and "that makes" in front of "my shoulder .."
Add " I "in front of Am other wise it seems like you are starting a question.
" I am like an old man down with a stroke." by the way, I like the simile.

I'm unsure whether to leave it as it is or change it to
" Leaving me like an old man down with a stroke. "

Would I relive the same life?Hell No!
Give me a chance to talk,
To Let people know
that this is a burden
That makes my shoulder carry a heavy yoke.
I am now like an old man down with a stroke.
Leaving me like an old man down with a stroke.

^
Let this cup of suffering pass me by
Still it is no excuse for the crimes I committed,
all the wrongs I permitted

---Add "and" to all the wrongs I permitted.
and change "still it is no excuse" to (even though, I have)...

Let this cup of suffering pass me by
Even though, I have no excuse for the crimes i committed
and the wrongs I permitted.

^
What if I had changed,
would my life have turned out for the better?
Only if I had followed all the virtues,
the morals that govern us as human beings.

-----I think that moving the second sentences to the last one, would be more meaningful.

What if I had changed?,
Only if I had followed all the virtues,
the morals that govern us as human beings.
would my life have turned out for the better?

^
Would it have been a different story,
If I had practiced what I was taught to the latter?
All these I regret

----Perhaps add a little more to the last stanza…
but there is no going back
All I am left with are regrets.

Full poem with my suggestions incorporated.

My bloods flows in an awkward direction
forming clots
splatters,
but still, it is perfection.

Trapped in a bondage
of my own doings;
I now pay a heavy price.

My heart was a guiding light,
influential in all my bad decisions
Choices I cannot recall,
shuttling every inch of my body
Piercing my heart,
penetrating deep down to my soul.

Would I relive the same life?Hell No!
Give me a chance to talk,
To Let people know
that this is a burden
That makes my shoulder carry a heavy yoke.
leaving me like an old man down with a stroke
( or I am now like an old man down with a stroke.)

Let this cup of suffering pass me by
Even though, I have no excuse for the crimes I committed
and the wrongs I permitted.

And so I sit down,
restless in my mind,
with thoughts of regret.

What if I had changed?,
Only if I had followed all the virtues,
the morals that govern us as human beings.
would my life have turned out for the better?

Would it have been a different story,
If I had practiced what I was taught to the latter?
But there is no going back
All I'm left with are this awful regrets.

Thank u Everlasting..ur suggestions have been incorporated into the poem...i owe u big time..

I really enjoyed this read.

I love the second last stanza. It is very powerful because so many people feel the same way. I have so many regrets and wonder what life would be like if we had changed our decisions in life. If we had the opportunity to "redo" our lives.

Who knows, maybe if we could, we may end up worse of than if we kept our original decisions on certain things.

I guess that is the unknown.

Loved this poem

x

Great imagery, great flow... smooth read all the way through. ill check out some of your other poems

Paul, I think the rawness in here and the question marks just totally conveys what you mean. And the usage of smooth words yet vivid and thick makes your piece great. Keep it going:)

We all make choices that we regret later in life. The trick is learning to forgive ourselves and looking towards the future instead of clinging to the past.

I would fix the little spelling error on the word going; however, it is still a fantastic piece.

You have voiced your sorrow and suffering beautifully and in a way that every one who reads can understand. You allow the reader to ponder upon their own mistakes while asking for more from you.

That is a good thing. Any time the reader wants to know what caused this emotion means that you have grabbed them and drawn them into your world.

Another great attribute is that you have left the reader to know that they are not the only ones who have experienced guilt and regret.

Great job!

~~Sher

Wow excellent poem!!! 5/5 I am stunned

Absolutely love the first stanza.. I loved that stanza so much I read just that one 4 times! Way to draw the reader in!

Let this cup of suffering pass me by
even though i have no excuse for the crimes I committed,
and all the wrongs I permitted

^ I also like this stanza. It was like a cry for hope even though mistakes have been made.

I like this write, Just a few typos in your last few stanzas but I overlooked them. I liked it :)

So true. noone can go back in time and fix everything u mess up on. very well written poem. love it very much.