My personal leaf gold

My cold leather couch
placed in the middle of this
colorless room.
Unseeing eyes focus
on that nonexistent point.

The air is dank from tears
I wanted to cry and galling
because of my hollow self.
Why do these minutes last
several hours?

I'll suffocate if I stay..

Heading to the supermarket;
my fridge is empty and
condolence cards are on sale.
Might as well take that chance
and get everything I need in one go.

I hope you won't get buried tomorrow..
Otherwise I cannot attend
to your funeral.

No no, it's not that,
it's not because of my favorite TV show,
but I want to collect our memories.
Remember everything we shared
and put it back together
[rather than leave it shattered].

I need to be alone, while working
with this leaf gold, that I call
our memories. It's fragile, but
precious and the worst would be
to put together smithereens
than complete pieces.

But then again
I'm just pretending, I never
have time for death, it's not
calendared yet it still comes,
otherwise I'd just cross it off.

Don't rush me; you told me
that mourning is a beautiful
feeling, it's just the cause
that makes it utterly painful.

And you were right..
so allow me to be colorblind
till I can bid my final farewell.