I wouldn't say that this isn't very good Jenni,

I would say though that maybe the length drew me away and the repitition, I felt as though you were trying to say something but you didn't know how,
like you wanted to say that no matter the time, you still wake and your love is not there beside you,
I got the message, I think
and I do think there is potential

love
Tara
x

I actually think it's good I like how you use constlantly the fact of what time it is, it helps to understand hours don't really matter but wht you feel that keeps you for sleeping, enjoy the day as you are supposed to or even to wake up. I like how you describe the sadness through your words and I don't think the ending affected the poem at all, this being sad I think this is a good poem 5/5

Jenni, if you delet this, I'll delet 'mother, mother in the grave' lol, who cares, btw? :P

You are awesome, and I'm sorry that we had a fight two days ago, I'm really sorry. =[
Anyway, lol, I know you love me. :P

Nominated and will comment later, okay? ;)

I rated but didnt comment:) Im bad in commenting:) I liked the poem:) I agree with liliana , I love the udea of time:) well written a 5/5 from me:)

Good poem, I like that you keep reminding the readers what time it is in your world. Nice poem

Jenni if you delete this i will throw my pen at you lol

it isnt your best but in no way is it bad i loved the idea was a bit long yea but u have to get it all out there and you did ... you learn from your old poems this will be no diffrent well penned ... DONT DELETE!!!! :D

Jenni if you delete this, I won't enter the drama club this year!

so, DON'T!!

Why delete it?

Isn't it amazing to write one'self in a poem of rawness and purity?

I like it, but as Tara said.. there were repetition and wordiness... but your content overwhelms the structure. That's why it's great! :)

LOL from all the comments I think you better leave it alone :-) I found it to be very good, a bit long but to shorten it would take away from the over all theme..Good job girl Keep it up

I dont think you should delete this!! it is good, maybe not your best but still good..

There is such emotion and honesty in this poem.

I would see no reason at all to delete it. I feel like this was a poem that you needed to feel you had to write. To let things out and vent

I love poems like that. they show true emotions and come out raw!!!

x

"it's not your fault because I shouldn't have expected,
that one person would be able to give me everything,
or even more important, would be willing to give me everything."

Those lines....touched everything I've been feeling lately about the person I want to tell how I feel...

I usually don't like too much repetition, which why I rarely use it on my own poetry... But some how the repetition in this poem seemed to make this poem... have it's own unique flow and style that just kept me interested.

5/5

-Heather