Why You?

I close my eyes,
your always there.
The pain cuts so deep,
how could you do this to me.
I thought I knew you,
but I guess it was all lies.
Did you even ever care,
or was it all some kind of game.
What am I suppose to do now,
will I ever be okay again.
I still want to talk to you,
I never can though.
You were my brother,
and I trusted you.
Does that even mean anything,
did it ever.
I looked up to like my hero,
I always wanted to be like you.
You were like a father to me,
I felt like I could tell you anything.
We use to talk for hours,
way up until morning.
I could always turn to you,
the sad thing is I still want to sometimes.
I get the urge to call you still,
tell you how bad I'm hurting.
Then I remember you the reason why,
why I cant close my eyes.
Your the reason I have nightmares,
that I wake up crying at times.
I don't understand why you did this,
that you hurt me the way you have.
I ask myself if it was something I had done,
but what could it have been.
I feel so alone,
and betrayed.
I hurt to the point it causes pain,
sometimes I cant even breath.
I feel wrong,
and so sick.
Your the one who did all this,
so why do I feel this way.
It's not fair,
I did nothing wrong.
So can someone please explain,
why I always feel this way.
Feel like I should be sorry,
that I'm the one to blame.