Zahra, You deserved the HM in the contest with this, I swear this was awesome, you really got the message across and used the given word to a good cause

Love
Tara
x

High five Zahra :)

I really like the smoothness in here, and your tone: so rhythmic with many stops (sudden stops) making the reader go Loca :)

This is a good solid piece. The percussive nature of the words you chose lends itself to the poem - it goes well with and even embellishes the overall flow. I like the end, too - how the climax of the poem comes just before the end and closes very quickly. It conveys a very deep passion and sexual energy, just the kind of feeling that you'd get from the perfect love/lust combination.

The only thing that I remarked as being remotely negative is your use of punctuation. I've been criticized before on mine and I sort of see what the fuss is all about. I notice you have some punctuation, but it seems sparse and almost unnecessary. I would either add more punctuation to create proper control of the flow of the poem, or get rid of it altogether to give a bit more freedom for the reader's interpretations.

My sugestions:

Pupils dilate
in the middle of the night.
Heart races against nightmares.

---I like the start.

^ and distorted figures appear( : )
Melting walls, falling cubes,
candy raindrops, fizzy food
( that)tickles your tongue painfully
like stitches in your side
covered by cold fire.

---I would add ( : ) after appear to indicate that a list of things that appeared are as follows.
I think it would be better to add THAT in front of "tickles your tongue" to indicate that the fizzy food is the one that feels like stitches.

" When ice is warm,
spikes are soft (like) cotton prickly.
.

--I would add like to show that is a comparison. Comparing the spikes of ice when is melting and that it becomes harmless to the touch. Still prickly but like cotton soft.

When wood sinks and metal floats
my world dives beyond galaxies
to universes of opposites and
it reaches equilibrium
only when our eyes meet.

My sugestion incorporated in the poem:

Pupils dilate
in the middle of the night.
Heart races against nightmares.
and distorted figures appear:
Melting walls, falling cubes,
candy raindrops, fizzy food
that tickles your tongue painfully
like stitches in your side
covered by cold fire.
When ice is warm,
spikes are soft like cotton prickly.
When wood sinks and metal floats
my world dives beyond galaxies
to universes of opposites and
it reaches equilibrium
only when our eyes meet.

What I understood from this is that
he is the cure to the hallusionations that are cause by him. :-??

Beautifuly written. i loved it, how it was worded and the flow to it. good work