Changes

by dollwithafrown   Nov 2, 2011


I think she's changing with the sunlight,
I think tomorrow's bringing a new dawn.
It's scary, don't you think?
It's scary, I think I know.
I'm bringing this house down tonight,
and the ashes won't rise again.

And tomorrow's air is a silky touch,
a sexual feeling's just got too much.
But it's pouring down, like rain
on a Monday evening. It's pouring down,
that's what I say.

By next week the skyline will no longer
hit the tops of buildings.
The sun will be a misty purple,
the clouds will coat our skin;
the deepest shade of sin.

I think she's changing with the moonlight,
I think next week's bringing a new dawn.
It's frightening, don't you think?
But interesting, I think I know.
I've brought this house down tonight.
The ashes won't rise again.

--------

Written 29 Sept, 2008. Not posted here before and recently came across it again in an old journal.

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  • 13 years ago

    by Saerelune

    I have no idea how this poem got voted a 2, for it's magical. I can recognise the same mysterious but beautiful tone behind your words. The repetition works very well here, it adds tension along with the shifting images between day and night. It's somewhat eerie, and I could imagine the face of someone sinister. I can see a burning house, I can see a glimmer in the deepest of the night. It's very interesting how you put it under life for I cannot connect it to anything in that category. Perhaps you're talking of criminals in general? And karma, perhaps?

    I also liked your rhyming, except in these lines:
    "And tomorrow's air is a silky touch,
    a sexual feeling's just got too much."
    ^ I guess it appears very forced.

    But this was my favourite stanza:
    "By next week the skyline will no longer
    hit the tops of buildings.
    The sun will be a misty purple,
    the clouds will coat our skin;
    the deepest shade of sin."
    ^ It flows with ease and it has something melodic to it. I also thought that your choise of colour was interesting. Most people would choose for pink or orange when it comes to sunsets. I think purple makes it much darker, perhaps the shade of sin, as you beautifully worded.

    The ending is marvelous. I just love it when endings and beginnings contain the same structure and make the whole poem round.

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