Comments : You

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenni

    My first thought in the morning the last at night
    don't know why but it just feels so right.
    A wonderful dream hoping to see your face
    sitting in this room thinking of you.

    Lonely till I sleep and dream of us together
    nothing at all seems to be better.
    Going crazy inside have wondering when will it end.
    I'll be out and have time with you to spend.

    My love is yours and it belongs to no one else
    I can't explain a feeling that is never felt.
    Never have a doubt wondering if what i say is real
    because i dont get to choose how you make me feel.
    You....

    ^ I'd recommend you to break up your lines like that because the makes your poem more inviting to the reader than the way you're presenting it right now. "Wall of texts" are rather not as interesting as a "typical presented poem" (stanzas, broken up lines, etc).

    I thnik that this poem flows alright, there are a few lines that seem to be shorter than other, which interrupts the flow sligthly, but not too much. Your rhymes make up for that. I also like the content and you found a nice way to describe how much the person means to you.

  • 13 years ago

    by Chevalier des Fleurs

    Yes I agree breaking it into parts can help extend the flow of the poem and help the reader focus easier but it is very good in the way you express yourself. The flow is so so but I usually look for a strong message behind a poem rather than flow. Good job, love for you to check some of mine out and comment. Thank you keep writing.