Comments : The hurt and the lies

  • 13 years ago

    by Black Heart Still Beating

    The emotion comes across very well, and I could almost feel the blows (emotional) of what you were feeling.
    Just one thing,

    "were friends now
    she feels sick too
    were both crying
    and she's deciding"

    It should be We're as in We are friends now,
    We are both crying.
    Were would be like "were there any truths?"

    Once again, nice write. :)
    **Brii

  • 13 years ago

    by believeinlove87

    I hope you feel
    worse than we feel
    you'll pay the price
    please let me be fine
    let me leave this behind
    because
    now I'm dying inside
    -He will girl... Sooner or later the players feel the pain.

    Reading this whole thing, i could feel the pain you feel inside. That burning sensation that won't fade. The one you thought was gone, when it was only shoved aside.

    I loved this. It was penned with heartbreaking emotion perfectly.

    Great Job
    5/5