Letters I Could Never Send

So many letters I could never send to you.
Soft-spoken love stories,
Heart-wrenching tragedies.
Ink fading, accumulating dust,
these lonely, love drenched pages.

So many thoughts you never viewed.
Littered with dreams like an alleyway,
every word a memory.
My heart slowly surrenders to rust,
as I add more lonely, love drenched pages.

These letters, an unpolished memoir.
A story yet to end.

Shut my eyes to the world,
hunting caramel eyes in the darkness.
Block the clamor of noise surrounding me,
so I might catch you whispering my name.
Reach out with trembling hands,
desperately grasping, sweating fear,
but yours is not there to take the pain away.

Oh how the pain remains.

I stare out the window,
bittersweet tears falling like rain drops.
So many questions never asked.
So many answers never given.
I lose myself in torment.
But these pages are fine listeners,
my pen an ambitious warrior.
Line after line,
I write away the pain.

My tongue laps at the air around me,
searching for a taste. A sample,
so I might make it through the day.
I begin the impossible task of replacing you.
Unsatisfied, I pen these letters to you.

I lie awake in fear of what my dreams will hold.
Elusive illusions.
Morning brings with it the slap of reality,
numbing my face like course cocaine.
I know the wounds will soften.

Jealousy, regret, thundering through my veins,
degressing me to a useless heap of flesh.
I search for love. The love you gave.
The love another now has.
I blame you for the acrimony.
Self-destruction presents itself,
a snickering monkey in my ear.

It offers me my own empty glass,
tempting me with soiled wine.
I drink from the fountain of hate.

Self-pity consumes me for exposing my heart.
Suffocating insecurites.
I want to leave this body,
this uncontrollable sadness.
A prisoner in my own mind.

I lash out.
Whip you with words,
blister you with guilt.
I enslave you.
Wrap your wings with twine,
incapable of letting you fly.

There's a fire smoldering within you.
Dispersing the darkness.
Absolving the wounds.
Aching to burn freely.
To thrust you upon the world.

I long for the warmth of that light,
yearn for it's inspiration.
Marvel at it's strength,
surrender to the suduction.
Freeze as it leaves me,
cracking the further you walk.
My pieces lay behind you.

Shattered, this rusted heart of mine.
Dismal in your shadow.

You take a chance,
open your heat once more.
Astonishment.
Beseeched by joy.
Unburdened.
You tell me you love me,
and I remember it's true.

I tried to tie you down,
hung myself while I did.
Saved by you once more,
I fall from the noose.
My soul shines with memories of us.

I turn my pain to love.
I sit on the sidelines of your heart,
waiting to watch beautiful wings bloom.
Maybe I'll have found mine,
and we'll fly away together.

I begin to write new letters,
adding chapters to the love story.
Letters I could never send to you.

I write them with love,
and the rust slowly fades away.