Bones Yet to be Set

by Indian Comma Bean   Nov 13, 2011


Hopefully the swan might swim tonight
for the murk of the lake creeps in silence.
The waters they move in a sinister sense
causing the fowl to dive within the womb
of depths unknown; contrite is the mind
of a motionless victim, sinking fast -

Helpless.

No force to drive such feathers back,
thought becomes tainted by aphotic notions, blood
drips slowly off the ice mixing the cosmos with
withered roots and the acrid fetus of an empty memory.
Tar laden plumes bake upon weathered stones
while vultures pick at festering lobes.

Tangibility, ephemeral in its physicality,
graces the presence of such existence,

such shallow

Breath.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    I loved this fantastic wording amazing job 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Sylvia

    I have read this several times and I think I understand the title and how it ties to the poem itself. My take on the poem is that is deals with beginning life in the womb before bones would be set in growth, conditions in the womb and maybe the outlook of that life before and after birth. I may be totally wrong, but that is what I take away from reading the poem.

    Several things that in my opinion need attention are

    ^^^ The waters they move in a sinister sense

    This line, some of the words are not needed. My opinion is that if the line read Waters move in a sinister sense, the flow improves and doesn't change the message intended

    ^^^ withered roots & the acrid fetus of an empty memory.

    I would spell out the word and and remove &.

    ^^^^ thought becomes tainted by aphotic notions, blood

    I don't understand the use of the word aphotic in this line based on the
    definitions
    1. Having no light.
    2. Of or relating to the region of a body of water that is not reached by sunlight and in which photosynthesis is unable to occur.
    Unless it is used to indicate darkness maybe? Still not sure.

    ^^^^ Tangibility, ephemeral in it's physicality,

    It's should be its (it's is a contraction for it is)

  • 13 years ago

    by Decayed

    OMG.. what's this?

    definitely amazing. will comment later, but for now: nominated :)

    I so love it.