Beautiful poem, very powerful words. You make the reader fall into a deep thought..
My favourite lines were
whisper under an audience of stars and fall to sleep with you in the balmy black air..
Overall I love your poems 5/5

Aww, imma touch yah onyah back, and call yah Mr. Ro Ro Ro Mantic, very..fantastic.

Gee wheeze Colm please
Let me take you to a publisher of sweet cool verses =p

Shaggy!

Lol, sorry cant come up with anything better that this. :|

I think there is so much more to this poem
Colm, that there may be a far deeper meaning than meets the eye here. Although a beautiful write, I find myself trying to pick it apart, shake each line, trying to find it. Your poetry is unique and always a treat to read.
Take care,
Lostlove :)

That was so refreshing.. and sensational. I like.

You've grown as a poet since I've last read your work though since seems a little under-par for a few reasons I'll discuss with you. Forgive me for first commenting your poetry with what could be considered negativity but I think there's just a few key issues that's leaving little to the imagination and more to the visuals, which you're good at.

I mean this is a relatively simple poem, with a sweet yet melancholic tone which contrast well in most places.

Your use of 'black' and 'purple' could be replaced with something a little more cinematic, because they are such general colours. There are so many different blacks if you think about it and you can really open up your imagination a little more instead of using some safe adjectives. There is little here that offers the reader anything other than a general depiction of imagery at times.

You succeed:

'and sunrise is still
as sharp over the fields as
the dawn chorus,
as sharp as an echo.'

here, except for 'the dawn chorus' which is a tad cliched.

'I stay to watch the sun
sweep the sky'

is also visually potent.

And whilst the oak tree serves as a metaphor, there's not enough strength in the image of it to hold this poem together. There's also little significance described of the white lilies you depict here too and because of the lack of focus upon feeling here, all you're left with is a rather shallow narrative (which may sound a bit harsh) but I'm being honest because I know you can achieve better.

I think you're a great poet, Colm, and I'm not commenting to make you change anything to this poem, I'm just offering some give or take advice to make your poems have as much feeling and intimacy and significance as the visual potency you always seem to work with so well.

Keep at it :)

Colm,

This is very romantic and I love that you have chosen an oak tree.

The oak tree is one of the mightiest trees that can withstand some of the most violent rages of mother nature.

In my mind the metaphore of the oak tree shows a strong and unbreakable bond with the one you love.

Add in the romance of a sweet slumber sleep under the stars with your loved one in your arms shows tenderness and the gentle touch that romance requires to survive.

The lilies are a magnificient touch.... Innocence... Trust... And respect for the special person...

Overall, this is a great write that screams true love and honor... I absolutely think you portrayed this poem in a way that will touch every readers heart.

As I was reading your poem, I thought of myself and all those times I wanted to fall into slumber with the one(s) I loved/love. But the oak tree gives us strength and courage to carry on. Here we don't give lillies to the ones who are sleeping We give carnations or roses. Lillies have such a beautiful symbolism: gratitude. It is a perfect flower for any special moment.

This is the first poem I've ever read by you. I must admit that it pulled me in with a desire to read more of your work. I can agree with all the comments above me, but that sounds terribly cliche to just say "I agree with everyone else."

I know that people are supposed to critique your poems, but everyone has their own unique style of writing and wording choices that they feel fit when they write a poem. I believe that for me to comment on the style of the poem or the choice of wording would be changing your own unique style of writing. So critiquing can be helpful, but I feel that it should be more of grammatical issues or parts that have lacking in flow.

I felt that your poem was very soothing as if a lover was singing to the person that means the most to them. I found it to be very touching at the same time.

5/5

-Heather