With this ring(Collab with Connie)

Great job you two, I cannot say who wrote what and the choice of words was beautifully chosen :)

Firstly, I apologize, I tend to note grammatical things, and word choice first in a piece. What I noticed first with yours was the word choice in "she walks in and silence surrounds" I felt that a better word could of been chosen instead of the word surrounds. it seems to me that the silence would more fill the room or it would be a stillness, like tension or anticipation building. I also felt it would be better to use another word because later you use the phrase "silence that deafens and surrounds" both phrases describe silence surrounding. I feel that by changing the word it would give you an oppurtunity to describe the moment with different details, giving it an even more vivid picture. Another very minor thing I noted was the phrase "the candles flame" it should be "the candle's flame" since it's possesive. I feel poems flow better and it eliminates some confusion when they're punctuated, it prevents people thinking the candles are plurel, despite the fact that you mentioned only one in the beginning. I felt the poems imagery and descriptions were very good, they captured a moment that the two people shared. It described the scene and their emotions. I liked how you switched point of view and gave the reader a look through both people's eyes. I also thought you made the transition very well. The stanza after "will you marry me?" I felt was from the girl's point of view, but it probably also portrays how the guy is feeling the nervousness and anticipation and excitement that lingers in the air after he asked her and is waiting for her reply. I thought it was a very good way to move from one point of view to the next because in truth you are portraying both in that one stanza. A very nice piece, with more depth to it than just describing a proposal. good job.

Omg such an incredible poem, well done to the both of you. I loved it!! It honestly made me cry:'( It reminded me of a beautiful memory that I had hidden and nearly forgotten.. This is what I call a perfect love poem 10000/10000000

I think you both did a good job here with harmonious lines of consistent meter and stressed. I love it, such a sweet poems! I agree, you two should do this often!

Connie & Tony: Truly, a very romantic poem capturing the beauty of such a night, a dream for each lover to build castles on one day, to enact the promises and pledges to fruition, one day. A truly touching and joyous poem to melt all those longing hearts in love.

The punch lines after each stanza are beautiful....each holding a promise of a new tomorrow, for lovers to fulfiill...

'Our forever'

'I love you'

'Will you marry me?'

"I've waited so long"

"I love you"

"Our forever"

My only comments (from this readers point of view only).......

The first punch line could be
"Ours forever" (implying the intended plurality in a proposal)
Similarly, the last punch line should be "Forever ours" (a word play to reflect the pledge in the ring).

And perhaps a minor word play
"The candle flames seems to spark"
instead of "The candles flame seems to spark"

A very heartwarming verse to warm the hearts and minds of true lovers. A truly exotic write. 5/5