I love the message your poem conveys.

The first two lines need to be corrected...you wrote "he" instead of 'the' on the first line and on the second line you have to eliminated the 'r' at the end of the line.

One thing thought that I would like to advise you on, to make your subsequent poems better, is for you to make use of your punctuations, so that the reader will know when to pause or stop. This will help the reader to get the mood of your piece.

Overall though, you conveyed your message. Good job.