Holding You For The First Time

Crystal tears fall from my closed eyelids
I'm seeing what may never be
my daughter whom i want to hold and never let go

My little angel at age 1 crawling towards mommy
her first word was calling me mamma.
At age two her first steps were towards me
with a goofy smile and a strangled laugh I hold you tightly,

Learning your first words with letter blocks at age 3
already eating normal human food and throwing it at the floor.
Having to let you go to preschool we both cried
for it was your time at age 4.

First grade came so fast and you went inside with pride being ahead of the game.
Making new friends was so easy for you because you had gotten your mama's touch.
Second grade came as a flash of light and you no longer needed me holding your hand
may it have been your pride but i loved you nevertheless.

Way too soon you already became a teenager
one night you ask me who was your father.
Hesitating I say this, " The man you call father left us when I told him I was pregnant. I loved him so much, yet he walked out of that door without looking back. He may have wanted to hurt me but instead gave me a present so wonderful I may even hug him not slap him the next time we have to met."
You never asked again who was your father after that and I truly loved you more for not pushing it.

Pretty soon you were an adult going to college
then you became a single mother just like me but yours was out of choice.
My little grandchild was named after me and it made me cry when you let me hold her,

One Christmas night you ask" Mother what were your first words to me when you held me for the first time?"
All I could do was smile and laugh for at least 5 minutes.
Laughing harder when you had confusion written all over your face I stop,
finally answering your question I say," My dear daughter, you ask me what you already know. My first words to you, you have already uttered them. They were: 'Holding you for the first time'