Comments : Two months ago

  • 12 years ago

    by Britt

    Can I just say... wow, this is freakin' sad? I have a pretty good idea of who/what this is about, and I think you conveyed your emotions perfectly here in this poem. Everything you vented about was put so poetically.

    I love the 'winter in your voice' - that is really creative. I also like the stanza you had about change - normally the change people talk of is the kind that makes you worse/better etc, but this is the kind that took someone away. I like how you made change a person rather than a thing. This is beautifully written... and I love the repetition as well. ;)

  • 12 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    The last time we spoke
    I felt winter in your voice
    still,I felt no need to
    protect my heart from
    the coldness that would
    soon arrive,

    ^I really loved this part but the second half of it I wasn't sure. Repetition is lovely, but at the same time I really loved the phrase how they had winter in their voice, that speaks volumes & sounds so poetic, then you go give it away by saying you felt no need to protect yourself from the cold, so I feel it ruins the thought slightly. You could use a different image of winter to tie with the coldness and how this person seems to be distant & all since you haven't talked. I really loved this opening stanza though!

    yet,
    change knocked
    on my door so suddenly..
    it came... not to visit,
    but to take you with it..
    ^Loved this bit also! Takes the breath right out of you, so heartbreaking. Great usage of personification Yaki!

    Wonderful poem! It really seems simple yet there's so much to love about it. Truly heartbreaking how people change & drift away, however, there always seems to be a reason for it.

  • 12 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    You really give the reader a feel of this heartbreak, as you remember it so tragically. I honestly thought this piece was chiling with the amount of truth of such emotion. You put it simply yet it still hit me hard, that you can't think of wanting anything or anyone else either than the presence of two months ago. I'm sorry for this change that left you empty- but keep hoping, keep breathing, and keep writing.
    Thanks for sharing, I thought it was really magnificently written :)

    MaryAnne