Privy (Tanka)

by Exostosis   Dec 16, 2011


Faces of desert
fraying against palms slowly
reflect shades of hue
And I could not tell her why -
my world is set to deep blue

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Tanka
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)

My first ever, structured poetry with a specified type.
A challenge from TJ. And credits to Sylvia for giving me a perspective on syllables and types of poetry.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Ray Blue

    Great composition~

    Faces of desert - great entrance!

    my world is set to deep blue - great ending!

    Very mesmerizing...5/5!

    Best,
    Ray

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    I love haiku's!!!

    Tanka's seem more challenging though so well done with this poem!

    I quite like the poem itself. Well written and so much is said with such little words

    To me the poem is about a person that is depressed and is with someone.

    You mentioned in the poem that you could not tell her why you are so blue (blue being sad). Is it because she would not understand why or the idea of depression or because of being ashamed (for me I don't tell people because of being ashamed)

    Well written! Loved it

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Blissful

    I enjoyed reading this. Your use of words was effective in etching the image in my mind. That made it more fun for me to read. For your first ever structured poem, you did a great job. This didn't seem forced one bit, which is always great. Nicely done!

  • 12 years ago

    by Meme

    Woooow!!
    OMG this is perfection in one verse !!

    Well done 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Meme

    Woooow!!
    OMG this is perfection in one verse !!

    Well done 5/5

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