Leaving You Behind( Long )

A difficult decision,
leaving you behind,
moving away across the country,
saying goodbye, cutting you out
of my life; Did you think it was easy mom?

Looking back in the car as we left,
seeing you standing there with tears
pouring out of your eyes,
knowing your questioning
" How could she leave me like that? "

Mom, If you can see me please listen;
my biggest regret was leaving you behind,
not giving you the last chance to prove yourself,
walking away knowing how strong your
deadly addiction was; Believe me..
It was the hardest choice in my life.

My biggest fear was losing you for good,
trying tough love to get you to stop,
when in the end I lost you anyways,
a beautiful person taken from my life,
it was never meant to be this way.

Three months later, you passed away,
seeing you for the first time in that casket,
unable to cry, unable to believe it was really you,
refusing to understand you are no longer here,
the pain I still feel tears me apart day by day.

I'm sorry I left mom,
I wish I had just stayed,
maybe just maybe;
You'd still be here,
don't ever forget mom,
leaving you was the hardest decision
I've ever had to make.