You told me you liked to write Nature poems and well no wonder - you are great at doing it!

I was planning to plant
you a garden, to plant
it firmly till the end,
a field of everlasting
trees of hopes
fruits and dreams.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The first part of the poem is lovely and it warms up my heart. If this poem was not in the sad section of this site - the poem could have gone either way for all I knew.

To be a bird that perhaps
reaches your sunbeams
but I fell for you
like a yellow leaf,
with an autumn heart
that passes by
only to leave.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It feels as though you fell for this person but the feelings changed as quick as the seasons do. Maybe you were both in different times of your life and you used the seasons to depict these times.

I quite loved reading this poem and yes it is quite sad in the end. The way you made the seasons change was awesome.

Well done babe

x

Yum Yum, I can eat this poem raw. It's amazing.
Compared to that winning poem, this should also win.

It's like Rihanna's second version of Love The Way You Lie.

Another response but from the same person. I don't know... I just felt that. Great great ending!

I like this poem though I must admit that I had to read this line twice
And if I love, I walk away
so forgive me when the spring
revolution I provoked in your
heart finds a grave

I wonder if "if " would not be smoother where when is
5/5

This poem really spoke to me...maybe it's just where I'm at in life...hohum.

You have some sad and beautiful imagery

like a yellow leaf,
with an autumn heart
that passes by
only to leave

well done!

Yet another very touching piece by a "master poetess" of sad poetry, Ms. Sunshine (a more appropriate screen name could be "your eclipsed sunshine"). The poem has a certain feel to it that pulls the reader in to the projected sadness in this break-up, when leaving someone once dearly loved. The metaphorical depiction of planting a garden of evergreen fruit bearing trees to project the love once held, is so emotive. Each stanza reverberated with touching emotions. These were in particular, deep:

but I fell for you (did you mean fell "of you"?)
like a yellow leaf,
with an autumn heart
that passes by
only to leave.

The use of words in here to bury the spring revolution (love), with a heartfelt apology conveyed to the lover for the break up, was so different from most others who experience a heartbreak, and blame their lover for the break-up, brings home the point that there are still a breed of humble people (I know one other, another master poetess of PnQ) who do have the ability to take self blame (even when it may not have been their fault), though it may or may not be their fault alone...so well penned here:

And if I love, I walk away
so forgive me when the spring
revolution I provoked in your
heart finds a grave, or try to
forgive me after today.

The use of the phrase "wintry legend" inventively projects the emotional ambivalence/indecision as the reason to walk away from a relationship, was very thought provoking. But, it seems the last line left a ray of hope to this "frozen" relationship, a chance to thaw, perhaps in the Arab spring :)

For I'm freezing into
a wintry legend
that comes with a season
that doesn't have to end.

Perhaps then, I (will) stop pulling away.

(Judging comment 1-1-12)

Awesome expressions, Ms. Sunshine.