Back To Square One

by Chelsea   Dec 26, 2011


For 2 years i fought the need to rip myself apart
i tried to find new ways to cope
a new way to live
now i feel like i am back at square one
2 years ago i threw away all of it
the knives
the razor blades
the scapel heads
now the razor blade is back
i always know where it is
and when i cant take it anymore i give in all over again
the scars continue to multiply
wounds long healed are reopened once more
i found the will to stop 2 years ago
but now i fight not to pick it up again
little cuts mar the surface of my hips and thigh
mere practice for what i know is in store
i dont believe ill be able to stop again
i dont believe i even want to
so easy it was to bleed after years of healed wounds
i know as the days go by it will only get easier
so i guess im just writing to get this out
i know it wont really help
but this is all i can do for now..

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by RavenKai2005

    Loved your poem. It tells me you go through the same emotions, fears and loneliness I do... I'm a cutter too... hang in there

    • 12 years ago

      by Chelsea

      I'm sorry i'm so late on getting back to you. i cut again last night. I can't tell anyone because i'm in the military and they wouldnt take it well. Im seeing a counselor.. but its not helping. For a few days, maybe even weeks im okay, then im back to it all over again.. guess i needed to get that out. I hope youre okay.

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