What I liked about this piece was how you kept the whole poem simple yet managed to give the poem depth and feeling.

"The moon stumbles upon
the dark sky, it falls over
and over again onto
the trainroof and falls back
as if it lost its orbit."

^ This stanza was the one that spoke to me the most as the imagery in it is perfect.

5/5

Sitting in the train
on the first evening
of the last week.

^Great use of time here, makes you really understand when this what written, also questions arise as to last week of what?

The moon stumbles upon
the dark sky, it falls over
and over again onto
the trainroof and falls back
as if it lost its orbit.

^I love how you set the scene here, great use of imagery girl

It went astray, searching
for its usual spot and
isn't finding it.

^I am not sure of word organisation here, seems a little strange
"it went astray, searching
for its usual spot
without finding it"
Maybe?

42 minutes passed.

I don't hear announcements;
I lose sight of fellow travelers;
I don't recognize train stations.

^Repition of I, makes me think of you as being very involved in this piece, One minor thing, "I lose" should be "I lost" as in past tense? I think

I laugh quietly, cry shortly
to then step off and get hugged,
as if I came back after seven years

As heroine

Though I am just as lost as the moon.

^Awesome ending, sad and powerful

Overall a very nice piece
xxxx

Amazing poem great work. It really shows ur lost a 5/5 from me :)

Jenni you amaze me with each poem/ I loved each line but for some reason the end line brought it all together.
Keep it up girl love your work

Sitting in the train
on the first evening
of the last week.

--- Sets an image in the readers mind.

The moon stumbles upon
the dark sky, it falls over
and over again onto
the trainroof and falls back
as if it lost its orbit.

--- the meteorite hits the train ... rather than the moon?
With this stanza, I'm thinking that the person who took the train had an accident.

It went astray, searching
for its usual spot and
isn't finding it.

-- searching for its usual spot and IT isn't finding it.
I think it needs the IT that refers to the Moon.

42 minutes passed.

I don't hear announcements;
I lose sight of fellow travelers;
I don't recognize train stations.

--- This part is sad, I think that person didn't make it and it went to the light.

I laugh quietly, cry shortly
to then step off and get hugged,
as if I came back after seven years

As heroine

Though I am just as lost as the moon.

--- With this, I'm picturing that person in heaven and thus he/she is hug as he/she enters. Everyone greets him/her as a heroine and that person feels lost for he/she doesn't know where he/she is at.

Train ride to?
to the end of that person life.

This is what I understood as I read it.

As I read this piece it makes me feel dizzy, which is a good thing..for I felt like I was on the train with the writer. Feelings of being lost, can feel like a train ride..to a place unknown... my interpretation of this lovely piece.... but your last line really grabbed me.

"Though I am just as lost as the moon."

~~ All I can say to this is wow... beautiful ending, powerful last line...

I love this piece, for many reasons. One of those reasons would be that its so simple yet one of the most meaningful poems I've seen. Another reason is that the word choice is immaculate and really makes the simplicity pop even more. The imagery and descriptions really captured me and I'm so glad. It seems as though this piece is immensely creative and heart felt and that you really put yourself into the piece.

It really is amazing. 5/5

Aw... I love the incorporation of the 'train' and the time '42 minutes' .. they make it more realistic and nearer to our minds. It's creative by all means, and the imagery is dense.. really dense. quite a brilliant jb.

Jenni, this was an interesting poem and reminded me about the times we'd be 'bored' on a train/bus/plane and we'd wander off to space, and think about things like the moon... and almost forget or not notice the people around us at all. I love the story you told about the moon, it was unique and different. I love the moon, so I enjoyed reading about it in your poem. The final line was amazing, it really made the poem even better. I love the idea of you realizing that at the end of the story you told, and how it may not be a bad thing.

Great job hon!

When you feel like you're lost you don't really know what to do, you dont really know where to go so you let life take you on a ride and see where you end up..... thats what this poem made me think of, I really like this, you did a nice job writing it..... :)