Comments : Nature's Cry

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    The title is simple, but interesting.

    Mother Nature sing me a song
    Mother Nature tell me whats wrong?
    Mother Nature I hear your cry...
    I feel your pain drip from the sky.

    ^ I think that you have to insert a comma after "Mother Nature" in all three verses, but I have to admit that I am not too sure myself either.
    I actually like the way this poem starts, because it somehow has a lullaby tone the way it reads and it tells the reader right away that there is something wrong, which he could have expected, but it shows what direction your poem will go into.
    Obviously by Mother Nature crying you refer to rain, which one could understand as sign of sadness from her.

    I see the anger flare from your sun.
    Mother Nature what have i done?
    Mother Nature I feel your quake.
    Im humbled by your mighty shake.

    ^ I'd recommend you to capitalize "I" in the second verse and insert an apostroph in the fourth verse "I'm".
    I think that it is quite interesting that you name natures actions and bring them in some sort of relation to Mother Natures feelings and intentions. Heat is something that might be brought into connection with anger, yet people mostly think of the sun as something positive and enjoyable, your speaker did not though.

    There are a few more "I"'s in the following starnzas that you'd have to capitalize still and I'd recommend you to insert a "the" in the very last verse before "night" because I think it'd flow even better like that. You should keep in mind not to put space before and after a comma, it should only be put after it, anything else would be distracting.

    The way you dealt with this topic was quite interesting and you kept me captivated throughout this poem. I think that everybody does not appreciate nature the way we should, it could be so beautiful yet all most people do is pollute and damage it.

    Thank you for reminding me of how precious nature is and that it shouldn't ever be taken for granted.

    Overall this is a well written poem, which I enjoyed to read.

  • 12 years ago

    by Matthew

    Thanks for the criticism and thoughts on my poem. I will try and implement what you recommended, its very helpful. And you hit the nail on the head because I wrote this to help us remember how precious our earth is and to try and take care of it, while it takes care of us. Again, thanks and i'm glad u enjoyed ; )

  • 12 years ago

    by Matthew

    Also I am a new member and im new to the praising system. I was thinking this the message you gave me was worthy for a praise. whats your take on that?

  • 12 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    Wow unabaliveable ,,wow it's amazing grealtly written for sure excellent I loved it and very delighted to read it wow everything seems perfect and fantastically worded and flowed greatly wow it just amazing 10/10

  • 12 years ago

    by lost angel

    I loved it. it reminds me that we take everyday and we should be greatful.

  • 12 years ago

    by radio host

    I would love for you to read your poem on my radio show by phone. If interested email me, thanks !