Comments : What about now?

  • 13 years ago

    by Decayed

    I wanted to say.... that is such a reminiscent poem filled with anguish and concealed melancholy.

    Whatever happened to
    we can do it all....

    ^ It's great quoting the lover, reminding him of the promises/vows you made together. With this you'd be subliminally telling him: you're a liar.

    we've nailed falling in love
    but somehow we've been caught up
    in words that we failed to breathe in-

    ^ My favorite part!!!! so smooth, it went... yet I can hear the sadness dripping from your tone.

    can it truly be too late for us?

    ^ questions spice the feelings up. great step.

    I've asked you time again

    ^ I can't understand the structure here. maybe 'times' without 'again'.. or 'ago' without 'again'?

    to never let me go.....
    and you always seem to test my limits.

    ^ Interesting thought.

    How about now
    to try to withdraw my heart?

    ^ A question.. amazing way to end a poem.

    Great short piece MaryAnne. Keep writing like them:)

  • 12 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Wow..my genious..evry single word of dis poem is js prfctly placed..fp