Next weeks NOMINATION !!

Oh, Nana, What's with the sadness, it was evident and oh, girl, Just made me feel so helpless to you.
The poem was perfectly penned, with the flow, imagery, wording, metaphors, but the emotion, omg, I can't comprehend it,

I felt I could relate to the alcohol aspect of it, which made this easy to grasp,
I loved the use of the sun and moon, and serene objects amidst the emotion, but oh, I just feel so strange, not what I wanted to read, however perfect this is, just too sad and I wish I could hug you,

Virtual Hugs (((hug)))
and love,
Chin up sweetie,

love,
Tara

Great great great poem a 5/5 from me:)

Wow, Nana you blew me away with this poem!
I love your metaphors, they're always touching and I love how you use nature to show emotions. I love how original this poem is, and how you describe sad, empty feelings in this way. It was really nice to read.

Great job hon!

Hey hun,

First of all I love the title. Very eye catching and fits the poem well.

Riesling rays drunken among
a folk of radiant stars
not necessarily seen,
and a river of blue light
fluctuating in shame.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I like the use of the word radiant stars (I believe you are talking about people full of happiness and love)

A river of blue light - I am thinking these are the people that are not happy. The use of the word blue makes me think if being blue / depressed / sad

Where I burn in the Shadow
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I love what you wrote here. For sunshine to burn in the shadow - brilliant. The idea that no one gets burned in the shadow except when the shadow is darkness itself (dark emotions)

I am glad you wrote what Riesling was because I had no idea

I think that this poem is about the feeling you get when you are intoxicated with alcohol. The emotions you can go through and what kind of person you may become.

Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, can no longer be bright and wild
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A coffee storm - A lot of coffee to help you cope with the aftermath of drinking.

For me when I get drink I feel more bright and wild but here you have expressed it as the other way around. I like that.

Well done

x

Thanks for the awesome comment! I actually ain't talking about being really drunk..however you've hit the rest so very well, great analysis plus I am relating this to the real solar eclipse, where the moon passes between the sun and the earth.

thanks everyone :)

Why do you insist on making me think?

lol... i will bee back.. because what u wrote seems.... nammoura!

Ok.. so here we go. You are still the SUN.
you are burning... but, in the shadows of an eclipse.
There is something standing in your way, between you (The Sun) and the Earth (your love).

Though 'tis not a planet that is
blocking my sunshine,
^ nice explanation. it eliminates some 2i7timilat. so we know it's not a regular planet that's causing the eclipse (the moon). It's something more peculiar.

nor a silvery
coconut that others eyes do hope to reach..
^ and also.. it's not something to be valued.. something people in need long to reach to cure their hunger and thirst with.

But it is passing recklessly between
me and the earth...

^ It's something more.......... reality? (wlik wein 5tafit :P? 2abl shwaii kinti 7atteta:P u r like me!!! u edit so many times after posting.. mwah :P)

Reality has made your 'lemon rays.. kamen haydi sarit 'ginger' :p' ... (drunk).. not in the literal sense, but in the sense of becoming ineffective.. maybe pale, and unable to influence others (stars). so it became blue,,,, not bright, and rippling shamefully.

Perhaps it is a world's new black wonder that
won't pass by just like a wandering gray cloud
no, nor will move on as the new moon is born.

^ so reality is not just a summer cloud that would eventually go. it became a permanent state, that blocked ur way to reach your love... maybe in reality, you meant: distance... money... religion...

It is an everlasting eclipse that will conceal
the love that the fraud beams once
revealed.

^ It's just an everlasting pain in the ass!

Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, will no longer be bright and wild.

^ okay.. lol :P now you moved me to another planet... You no longer will be bright/wild unless a coffee storm hits deep down your intoxicated core..... it means.... seriously I can't get that!!! PM fast :P haha

EDITED: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okieee.. Liz helped somehow. You shall use coffee, something realistic, something all people drink to face reality with... you wont be unique(sun).. so you want to become like them. Is it? :O

but I LOVE it.. it's so....... amazigly written, and .... creative!

It's not love, earth stands here for "reality"
as I lost contact with my self, as I no longer know who I really am, I used the solar eclipse to state that I am living in a total one, completely blocked by misfortunes that's standing between me, and the real me (ms happy shine :P )

when you're drunk, a cup of coffee would help u wake up a bit ;P, here since I am drunk..unaware ..lost i'd need a coffee storm to hit my drunk core to be able to wake up to what I have once been
:P hope that makes things easier

I don't have anything to say, I believe it's all been said. I'm in awe of your talent in this poem. wow

Another nice poem from Ms. Sunshine, now living in an "eclipse," and producing metaphorical beauty in her sadness.

I think Riesling = a variety of white German grapes that produce a sparkling white wine, is the most appropriate as originally used, before it was edited first to yellow and then ginger, neither of which can match the color of the sun's rays.

and a river of blue light
rippling, yet in shame...

The color "blue" signifies melancholy=sadness, but perhaps another way to express the sadness in this context would be:
Greyed skies, hiding the blue (sad heart)
beating, yet in shame...

So moving, when conveying the blue sentiments here:
while I burn in the shadow
of this solar eclipse.

Though 'tis not a planet that is
blocking my sunshine, nor a silvery
coconut that others eyes do hope to reach..
But it is passing recklessly between
me and the earth...

Expressing that it is neither a large body (planetary), nor a silvery coconut (a full moon) as the cause of my eclipsed sunshine

Perhaps it is a world's new black wonder that
won't pass by just like a wandering gray cloud
no, nor will move on as the new moon is born.

I think she is alluding "misfortunes" metaphorically to a very large sunspot (which appear dark, are temporary phenomenon, but may sometimes last a very long time.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunspot)

It is an everlasting eclipse that will conceal
the love that the fraud beams once
revealed.

The use of "fraud beams" here is another metaphor for expresssing unwavering sunny feelings, but perhaps could be bettered.

Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, will no longer be bright and wild.

A beautiful metaphorical ending, signifying that some day perhaps a coffee storm (containing enough caffeine, a stimulant) will stir up that cooled down inner core (like that dark sunspot that is refusing to free up the sunshine..... a reduced temp convection disturbance caused by magnetic storms) to clear the eclipse (of love feelings).
A slight variation to the ending stanza could be:
Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my nuclear core
I, will no longer be sunny and wild
nor reach beyond my eclipsed sunshine

You will always shine,even when you think you don't..

although,
I was not fond of the meaning behind the poem,
I still think it was stunning.
you had some clever metaphors going on

"Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core"

truly loved the use of "coffee" in this line,
it makes me think of darkness..
or wait..I ponder..because coffee also causes one to be awake,to be energized
so it could be both things..
I love it! ...playing tricks on my mind girl.

too much sadness for my sunshine.

Chin up,beautiful!

Awesme poem ms eclipsd sunshine ;-) 5/5

/while I burn in the shadow
of this solar eclipse.
//
I so loved these ... very powerful lines ... very unsual way to describe the pain

Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, will no longer be bright and wild.
// a coffee storm ... you are amazingly creative with the metaphors you use ...
I was really blown away by these :)

brilliant.

OMG:)
so happy that this poem won...<3
Congratulationsssssssss

Astronomical poem delivering a rare view of your aura

To begin with, riesling is an awesome word choice. I had to look up the definition to be sure (a dry white wine) and it generates a unique blindingly-white image of the rays. Props for that.
A flock of radiant stars, not all seen - that is a nice touch. Reminds us of the limitations of our vision, and of the stars which have been born but we cannot see because they are so far away that the light resonating off of them has not yet reached earth.
Silvery coconut is a rather comical way to describe the moon, I'm not sure if I like it here. It takes away from the seriousness of the poem, but kudos for originality.

"won't pass by just like a wandering gray cloud
no, nor will move on as the new moon is born."

I feel that this portion is too clustered and could be broken up with grammar (a comma maybe?).

"Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, will no longer be bright and wild."

Again, could use a comma after 'down'.

---

Nana, this is a lovely write, like all of your writes are. You are a true blue poet - poetic spirit to the core. I always love reading your works, I only wish I found the time more often.

Stay bright, sunshine. Don't let anyone snuff you out..

Well done

The title and the composition is so original, I knew it had to come from none other than the "Princess of sadness," someone who knows how to project the inner state of sadness so well. Once again, the symbolism using celestial bodies, the sun, and the moon will always get some attention. Most poets use the symbolism of the sun and moon in a love poem, to describe how big, deep reaching or intense is their love. This poem, however, converts common symbolism in a most uncommon way, to project an inner sadness blocking one's "sunshine" (=happy feelings). Use of "Riesling", a sparkling white wine, to describe sunbeams, that are "drunk"; "a river of blue light" to describe the flood of melancholic feelings "while I burn in the shadow of the solar eclipse" are amazingly used here to magnify the personification of the sadness within.
Though 'tis not a planet that is
blocking my sunshine, nor a silvery
coconut that others eyes do hope to reach..
But it is passing recklessly between
me and the earth...
This stanza captures the dark emotions so well, by expressing that it is neither a large body (planetary), nor a silvery coconut (a full moon) as the cause of my eclipsed sunshine. A thoughtfully worded riddle here:
Perhaps it is a world's new black wonder that
won't pass by just like a wandering gray cloud
no, nor will move on as the new moon is born.

It is an everlasting eclipse that will conceal
the love that the fraud beams once
revealed.
The above expressions, presented as a riddle, seem to refer to a sunspot (= a dark spot) that are blocking her sunshine (=warm and friendly nature), evanescent phenomenon caused by magnetic storms that disturb surface temperature, used here as a perfect analogy to describe the sad feelings causing the sunshine to be eclipsed, hopefully temporary like the sunspots.
A lovely ending, to this poem suggesting that perhaps some day a coffee storm (=sun storm) will stir up enough heat to clear the cooled down surface (=sad feelings) to clear the dark sunspot that is blocking her sunshine (=warm feelings) currently. In my personal opinion this last stanza could have been bettered by using "sun storm" instead of the "coffee storm", to complete the metaphorical projection of the energy needed to clear the sunshine, of its dark spot, in the context of this wonderfully sad poem.
Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, will no longer be bright and wild. (10)

(From Judging comment 1-8-12)