My Dirty Little Secret of Sin

The feelings inside
That I continue to hide
I have simply lost my pride

My faith was lost long ago
Now I need it so

Tears are always falling
Emotions always soaring

The monster is in me
But no one can see

They all think I'm mad
I am just deeply sad

I feel like a liar
Then other times like I'm about to be set on fire

I can no longer see
Who I used to be
What do my friends think of me?

All I do is stare
It's a lot for my friends to bare
I'm living a long-lasting nightmare
How can they still care?

I've lost my fighting spirit

I am no where to be found
I've simply lost my sound

This I could not foresee
Hardly able to believe what has become of me

I'm lost in the mist
And not even a prince's kiss could save me from this

I've never been very happy
So why does life seem easier on T.V.?
I'm searching for my reality

How can I still have friends?
I feel as though the friendship is doomed to end

My body is a mess
I'm now so worthless
How did it come to this?

Not knowing who I am…

It's hard to describe
Being on this side
Feeling as though I've lost my mind

My body is hollow
All I feel is sorrow

Not knowing where I began
Or where I even am

I can't describe
What it is I'm feeling inside

I have to start again
Where oh where do I begin?

But how do I rise from this mess?
My heart is in tatters

My heart is so broken
And yet no one has spoken

The truth that is within
Feels like utter sin

What made me feel this?
What did I miss?

Yet I am so numb
I feel so incredibly dumb
Now knowing where this came from

I don't even know that this is
What is this? A sickness?

Have I broken my own heart
By not being street smart?

They keep repeating ‘this is not your fault…

I don't even know if what I feel
Is real

Am I a lunatic?
Or just sick?

Not wanting to be with my friends
So when will their friendship end?…
I ask again…
And again

Love I shall go without
And without my voice I can not shout

If only this had a name
Or I had someone else to blame?
I am filled with shame

But again there's only me
Now even that I can no longer be

please note: when i wrote this the words seemed to pour out of me ...so sorry for the spelling errors