Understanding the impossible .

Your words hurt harder than your fists against my skin.

Your love tears me up more than the voices you put inside my head.

So much hate flooding in your eyes waiting to pour down upon me.

The anger in your voice simultaneously makes my heart even colder.

I ask you why, and I feel your hands wrapped around my neck, and as I grasp for air I try to understand.
I try hard to understand how I can't hate you.

I try hard to understand Why I don't just leave.

I try hard to understand Why I don't strike back.

I try hard to understand Why I never call for help.

I try hard to understand Why I even try anything.

Then I remember,
You gave birth to me.
I could never.

Hate you.

As quickly as that though appears another one closes it by saying I never will understand.