Comments : My unheard stoy.

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Interesting way of starting and ending this piece. There are some parts that need revision like grammar errors that I could spot easily haha because I often make the same errors.. Like their and there.. Etc. And well aside from that it was good thought, I found this poem kind if sad. I bet you do have a story in the case this poem is from the authors point of view. Since everyone has a story of their own. Well done. This piece caught my attention. :).

    And sorry for my rambling..

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    But their is no one who will listen

    ^ their should be there.

    Whos story matters more than any non-fiction horror
    ^ who's should be whose.

    I wouldn't capatilize every sentence in this piece either, unless you wanted it read like new sentence each time, then don't listen to me lol

    Other than that. I really liked the idea behind this poem. So often we get caught up in others story, or books, or stories on the news, that we forget to try and deal with our own story or ask help for our own story. Life is complicated like that and we can get caught up in the moment and feel helpless. I understood what you were trying to get across. I liked it!

  • 12 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    I totally like your opening line that you dont read, you just turn the pages..but i felt the second line contradicts your first in that you say you read..i would suggest you 'seeing'

    I loved this piece in that it seems to tell a story about a girl who needs attention but people just dont give her that. By writing this, i know it will no longer be the unheard story.