Comments : Two Dying Hearts

  • 12 years ago

    by Ashley Nicole

    I loved it :) it was beautiful

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Wow.. Gave me chills. It easily pulls the reader to connect and be a part of it. Nice..
    "As dawn breaks on this beautiful morning
    I catch the first rays of sunlight in my hands"
    ---Really caught me eye. AMAZING. So sweet yet has a melancholic tone to it. Perfect.
    "I sit on the park bench gazing aimlessley
    Closing my eyes, I let the warmth soak my
    face"
    ---aimlessley=aimlessly
    ---I love the setting you chose here. It is over-used, I myself have a poem with that setting (not submitted here), but you made it work here. It's a very relatable place, I guess, so nicely penned.
    "Iam waiting for you to walk the same path
    Hoping we will cease this distance between
    us"
    ---Oh, God!! Let me just say I like this. Sad yet sweet all throughout. I love it..
    "The last time I seen you I was speechless
    I could do nothing, but catch your salty
    tears"
    ---seen=saw
    ---I really like the 'salty tears' I can't explain it, but... I like it.
    "The pain on your face made me feel
    ashamed
    Howcould I hurt someone that is so
    beautiful?"
    ---So, bittersweet.. that---who
    "The agony that your eyes expressed was
    painful
    As well as the sorrow I felt your heart
    bleeding"
    ---Add 'was' between 'heart' and 'bleeding', a linking verb is always necessary.
    "I only seen all of your faults and never my
    own
    Because I was afraid, I always turned the
    other way"
    ---seen=saw
    "If you knew how truely deep my love is for you"
    ---truely=truly
    EVERY line is quote-worthy. I love this. Sad, bitter and sweet.. Keep writing
    -X

  • 11 years ago

    by WintersAngel

    This is so beautiful and I'm pleased to say I was completely captivated by this wonderful piece.